However, those abilities seemingly do not include semantics and the basic comprehension of language. "Trim," "cut" and "hack" have different meanings, people! And how hard is it to understand, "I want my ears covered"?
As you may have guessed, I am recovering from a bad haircut. No, not a bad one - it is actually quite good - but certainly not the TRIM I wanted. This is a cute haircut for an 8-year-old. Women of my age want no part of "cute." As Annie Savoy pointed out in "Bull Durham," that is a term that should be reserved for baby ducks.
One thing a woman never grows out of, though, is the tendency to want to break into tears when she sees what the stylist has done. I am trying to avoid that. Instead, while my hair grows back I will take solace in my metier, words. Here are some that describe what's been done. (No WAY am I posting a photo. Use your imagination.)
SKINNED RAT. Yes, it's a cliche, but when you think about it, it's certainly a good image. All that fur - the one mitigating feature of a rat - has been stripped away.
CANCER SURVIVOR. If I had actually been through chemotherapy, I'm sure I'd be thrilled to have this much hair on my head. Can't I be thankful for my good health without emulating illness?
TINKERBELL'S GREAT-GRANDMOTHER. If pixies and fairies would age and get wrinkles and sags, they'd look like I do.
KAREN SILKWOOD. Remember in the movie when Meryl Streep, as Silkwood, was forced to be showered and sheared because of radiation contamination? Yeah, well even so, Streep looked far better than I do.
GIBBS. Another pop-culture reference, this one from TV's "NCIS" series. In it, there are running comments about Jethro Gibbs' perenially bad haircut. I'm the female version.
Actually, coming up with these descriptions is making me feel a little better. I think I'll try to think of more. And in the meantime, I'll be wearing a hat.