Now that I'm into the marketing phase of this novel experience, I see where I went wrong in drawing attention to Fish-Eye Lens. I coulda been a contender if I'd added one of these literary flourishes:
Vampires. Let's see ... in addition to being environmentally irresponsible, culturally tone-deaf and an all-around asshole, my villain Benny Royston could also suck blood out of the young girl he impregnates. The other characters can run a sharp sisal leaf through his heart instead of a stake.
Make it half-novel, half-cookbook. Liz offers Cherry not a beer or a rum-and-Coke, but a Coconut Colada, and proceeds to give the recipe. Cynthia demonstrates how to "knock" and prepare conch while she talks to the videographer.
Show a connection to the Knights Templar. Cherry discovers and deciphers a mysterious symbol on the wall of one of Royston's projects. While a strange albino with murderous intent follows her, she traces it to a secret message from the Pope that had been given to Columbus before he "discovered" East Taino.
Give a character cancer. It doesn't matter who, just as long as the island girls gather around in solidarity and weep.
The Pemberly effect. Change Liz's last name to Bennett and turn Zeke into Mr. Darcy. Add a subplot about a rogue who impregnates a young girl and ... wait, I did that. Well, OK then, how about turning Zeke's bar into a vast estate and having Phyllis pouring tea for everyone?
I'm sure that if I had put my mind to it, I might have come up with a much better-selling novel. The Flamingo Brief. The Hunt for Sunny-Yellow February. The Nuco Hills Horror.
Or maybe not. I don't think the reading public is ready for Harry Potter and the Fish-Eye Lens.